Oh, this weekend.
Truth be told: it wasn’t all that awesome. On Friday, I stressed. I feel like I’m on the brink of making some big life decisions/changes. Call it a quarter life crisis. I just know I’m capable of more than I’m settling for right now, and that knowledge is causing substantial unrest in my soul. Life is too short to apply for jobs that aren’t meaningful, that will end up being “just for now” employment. I have a feeling that the “just for now” syndrome has the potential to be debilitating and I don’t want it to take root in my burgeoning, albeit miscellaneous, career.
Life is also too short to know all of the episodes of Gilmore Girls by heart. A phenomenon that can and will occur when you consistently pop in a disc as background noise. (April bucket list preview: to find new, beneficial background noise.)
On Saturday, I woke up early, went for a run, and came home to stress some more. My head and my heart felt like they were on the Rotor. Remember that ride at the amusement park? It’s the thing that’s like a mechanical salad spinner for humans. That’s where my emotions were over the weekend: plastered to the walls by the weight of decisions, questions, and frustrations.
In the middle of this mayhem I had a photography gig…which was ended up not being an exhibition of photographic prowess by any definition. Armed with a 3 day old camera, hundreds of teenage moving subjects, and chronically low confidence due to aforementioned emotional status, this was really a disaster just waiting to happen. And happen it did! Realistically, it wasn’t that bad. I was able to deliver 50+ good photos. But I wanted them to be better. I wanted to be better.
I wish I could remember who to credit for this quote, but I recently read the statement, “If you’re not failing regularly, you’re not taking big enough risks.” At first, I was not on board with this philosophy. It sounded like an excuse. But I’ve since reconsidered my stance (…by force, due to failure!). If you’re not making mistakes, then how are you learning? I made more mistakes this weekend than I care to remember, but I feel like I will learn so much more from that than I would have from playing it safe and shooting with my old camera. After Saturday’s disappointing outcome I was motivated to seek out resources, mentors, and experiences that will make me a better photographer in the long run. Without the failure I likely would have been tempted to stay in my comfort zone. AKA, the no growth zone.
Meet the Robinsons is one of my all-time favorite movies. I was reminded of this scene over the weekend:
Keep moving forward.
On Sunday, I stressed some more. You were probably expecting a new activity. Nope! More of the same. As a result, I had shoo fly pie for dinner and called it a weekend.
Lara Casey’s story. She is one motivated, focused, hard-working woman!
Finding Lara’s website was completely a God intervention (not unlike the A&E reality show, but with much less drama). At the time, I was in the process of…wait for it…job
stressing searching! I felt a nudge to check out Southern Weddings. Most would call this a coincidence. I would call it God saving what remained of my dwindling sanity. I poured over the Southern Weddings website before heading over to the Editorial section and finding the editor-in-chief’s website(s). Be still my heart. Get off The Rotor. SO incredibly inspiring! Reading (and reading, and reading) all about Lara’s journey gave me the swift kick I needed to know that a) I’m not crazy for not wanting to settle for mediocre and b) there are so many wonderful Christian women in the photography/design/wedding/business industry, and c) someone else loves Luna Bars as much as I do! Joy to the World.
I’m starting The Challenge tonight. I’m embracing the unrest; it’s a healthy growing pain. But I’m ditching the stress. Half because it’s not consistent with what I believe (Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God).
And half because if this continues, I’m going to need a good masseuse. And some botox for the worry lines. And an open line of credit at the Sugar Mountain Bake Shoppe.