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day 52: keep moving forward

October 27, 2010

Yesterday was my last full day in Colorado; today I’m moving on to the next stop of the journey, New Mexico.

I’m less than thrilled about this development. The reasons are as follows:

1. I have a bed here. And a bed in a house is preferable to a sleeping bag in a car. Sleeping indoors, as opposed to, say, inconspicuously in an empty parking lot, has its perks.

2. I have a place to come home to here. On an agoraphobic tendencies scale from one to Jodie Foster in Nim’s Island, I’m about a seven. I knew this about myself before I left; I’m a reclusive homebody. There are few things I love more than spending a day at home, preferably with a solid football schedule and something good going on in the kitchen. So it doesn’t come as a surprise that I miss having a home, but I completely forgot to factor it in when I was going through the pros and cons of the trip. It wouldn’t have changed the outcome, but still…staying in one place for nearly a month has been beyond wonderful.

3. My life is not currently defined by the purple line emitted from my GPS. I’m not boxed in by yellow and white lines. And speaking of boxes, over the past few weeks I’ve been reintroduced to food groups that do not come in them. In short: I’m enjoying the reprieve from the road.

4. Denver. Enough said.

5.

I love, love, love this cat. She’s been my constant companion. We’ve developed a routine in the mornings: she starts meowing in search of breakfast and freedom from being cooped up indoors overnight, I am not awake enough to make the transition from horizontal to vertical, she concedes and jumps into bed with me, and after some purring on her end and some yawning on mine, we finally make our way to the kitchen. Now I’m going to have to start setting an alarm again…and obnoxious beeping will be a rude awakening in comparison.

6. Sundays have resumed their rightful place as football days.

7. If I were strapped to a lie detector and the person administering the test asked, “Are you excited about the last leg of your journey?” I would say yes because I would want the answer to be yes but the test would read an undeniable no. I’ve hit a lull in my enthusiasm for the open road. Over the course of 10 weeks there were bound to be highs and lows, and this happens to be one of them.

8. I have access to groceries and a kitchen here! This combination has produced breads, muffins, stir-frys, burritos, salads, and the like. It’s been a beautiful thing.

9. I don’t like change. Have I mentioned that?

So, here’s the deal: I ranted and raved about this internally. Then I prayed in a manner similar to ranting and raving. Then I ranted and raved some more just for good measure, to the highly mature tune of, “But I don’t want to leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I do, however, want to go home. True story. I miss having nouns, the people and places and things that make my life my life. And in order to go home I need to take a cue from Willie and get back on the road again. And in reality, I’m coming down to the final stretch – less than 3 weeks to go!

After all of this processing was processed, I watched It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Because really, it’s impossible not to be cheered up by that.

And that was that. There were no substantial changes in attitude, although valiant efforts were made. For the rest of the day these two related but dissimilar bits of prose were on alternating repeat in my mind, so in lieu of a concrete conclusion I’ll just leave you with them.

From Lewis Carroll:

The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

From Northgate:

Fill up my lungs with air

My voice with prayer

And my mouth with praise

Fill up my heart with song

For the journey is long

And I need Your strength

Jesus, Your love

Is more than enough

Come and fill me up.


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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Jaclyn permalink
    October 27, 2010 9:27 pm

    You’ll do great Beka! I know it must be hard to start moving again, but imagine all of the wonderful things and experiences you have coming toward you. I love you and I’m thinking about you a ton! Can’t wait to see you when you get home!! Let me know when you plan to be making your grand entrance home :-) Stay safe!

  2. Buzz permalink
    October 27, 2010 10:58 pm

    Bekaaaaa…i quote that poem ALL the time. and im so ready for you to be somewhere in the state so we can meet up. i miss you and am praying for you do much. much love girl!!!!

  3. October 28, 2010 12:15 am

    thanks girls :) i miss you both and love you tons!!!

  4. October 28, 2010 2:19 am

    Small world… I just arrived in New Mexico yesterday. Staying with my sis in Santa Fe for a week, then I have to start heading homeward myself. I don’t know what part of the state you’re heading toward, but I can assure you I’ve only had good experiences here. For what it’s worth, I’m willing to bet you’re not done with all the highs on your trip yet. Hang in there!

    • October 28, 2010 8:25 pm

      thanks, martin! i’m in taos until tomorrow, and i’m glad to hear of your good experiences here so far! i’ll be doing a little exploring tomorrow before i leave. hope you have a great time with your sister and a safe (read: ticket-free) trip home :)

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